A Morning breeze a lighter rain
Mothers voice is becoming a pain
Get up,Go tert park
And don`t come back till after it`s dark
Another day int park with three rides
What could i do, it`s bobby legs
I`ll be there today from eleven till four
Do i have to go
I cant cope with this anymore
I met a girl called Alison Sidebottom
Five minutes wi her,It felt good to be there
the lighter rain in my face
after a four hour chat
she said me mums out
Come back to my place.
As we sat and talked i found her a charm
Was it her looks , her bum or her eyes,
Her bacon barms
Or legs that reached for the skies
It was that she was beautiful
Oozing wit and charm
I was entranced by her fragrance
Her looks her kindness and elegance
On my way home i got very wet
Not cos it was raining
No , i`d fell in the gutter
I`d really fair let
I was in love with Alison Sidebottom
I didn`t care
Come hell or high water i`d been glad to be there
Copyright James Byrne
Thursday 31 March 2011
LESLIE`S TEETH BY JIM BYRNE
My Local shopkeeper had me fetchin and carryin
Five nights a week and mornings too
Look after the shop while i visit the loo
Moans and groans i could hear very clear
He sounded constipated
Shouting chuffin nora , oh dear
When i`ve finished on here
Will you go to my house and fetch my false teeth
See florence she`ll wrap them in parchment
if not ask for keith
As i walked back with teeth in my hand
Damp came through the parchment
When i got back the paper had gone
He put them straight in his mouth
Good job he said keep it up john
Copyright James Byrne
Five nights a week and mornings too
Look after the shop while i visit the loo
Moans and groans i could hear very clear
He sounded constipated
Shouting chuffin nora , oh dear
When i`ve finished on here
Will you go to my house and fetch my false teeth
See florence she`ll wrap them in parchment
if not ask for keith
As i walked back with teeth in my hand
Damp came through the parchment
When i got back the paper had gone
He put them straight in his mouth
Good job he said keep it up john
Copyright James Byrne
Thursday 24 March 2011
FLYING FEET BY JIM BYRNE
There`s a man comes down our street
When he passes our door all you can see is his feet
He`s skennin drunk,shouts up the IRA
On top of all this his shins are tattood with the words i want to play
Lizzie Blinkhorn at number seven delights in this
She says its heaven
She`s not seen a mans leg since she was twenty seven
At sixty three she`d love to see
Him calling round for more than tea
Maud and doris at number five
Can`t be doing with all this jive
His teeth fall out when he`s upside down
Maud said to doris
Who is this clown
You know him he`s betty`s chap
They`ve got five kids,she`s always out
He`s a lovely man no wonder he drinks
Have you been in their house
It chuffin stinks
Copyright James Byrne
When he passes our door all you can see is his feet
He`s skennin drunk,shouts up the IRA
On top of all this his shins are tattood with the words i want to play
Lizzie Blinkhorn at number seven delights in this
She says its heaven
She`s not seen a mans leg since she was twenty seven
At sixty three she`d love to see
Him calling round for more than tea
Maud and doris at number five
Can`t be doing with all this jive
His teeth fall out when he`s upside down
Maud said to doris
Who is this clown
You know him he`s betty`s chap
They`ve got five kids,she`s always out
He`s a lovely man no wonder he drinks
Have you been in their house
It chuffin stinks
Copyright James Byrne
Tuesday 15 March 2011
OUR MA BY JIM BYRNE
Our ma`s gorra new fella
Arthur ,a big brass band fan
He`s had six wives int past
And a Jeremy Kyle show int can
She thinks he`s a bedwetter
We all think he`s a pain
he`s puffin on that naffin tuba
Come hail,shine or rain
He thinks he`s a future with our ageing ma
We dont think so cos he`s to fond of a jar
No man`ll ger is feet under er table ever again
She`s done it all, to much of a pain
She`s norra go out our ma
She sits and chews wrigleys
and watches Columbo till its dark
Though she will venture out now an then
For a short stroll rount local park
Brass band nights is norr our ma`s cup of tea
So Arthur wer`e sure will be gone soon ,we`ll see
He`s writin letters and sends flowers every day
Sayin ,dont dump me Betty
I want to be here to stay
On yer bike boy she shouted througt letterbox one day
I`m tellin you now Arthur your not here to stay
You`ve peed in my bed
Now on your way boy, Ive gorra shockin head
Copyright James Byrne
Arthur ,a big brass band fan
He`s had six wives int past
And a Jeremy Kyle show int can
She thinks he`s a bedwetter
We all think he`s a pain
he`s puffin on that naffin tuba
Come hail,shine or rain
He thinks he`s a future with our ageing ma
We dont think so cos he`s to fond of a jar
No man`ll ger is feet under er table ever again
She`s done it all, to much of a pain
She`s norra go out our ma
She sits and chews wrigleys
and watches Columbo till its dark
Though she will venture out now an then
For a short stroll rount local park
Brass band nights is norr our ma`s cup of tea
So Arthur wer`e sure will be gone soon ,we`ll see
He`s writin letters and sends flowers every day
Sayin ,dont dump me Betty
I want to be here to stay
On yer bike boy she shouted througt letterbox one day
I`m tellin you now Arthur your not here to stay
You`ve peed in my bed
Now on your way boy, Ive gorra shockin head
Copyright James Byrne
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