ALL TALK JONNY BY JIM BYRNE

Where were you when all hell broke loose
Hiding behind the kitchen door
Were you so scared like a frightened goose
It were me that knocked him tut floor.

Where was the macho image that day
Left it to me to sort out
I keep all trouble and problems at bay
All you did was shout.

I`d hoped you might rise to the occasion
To kick my exes ass at the door
If you dont rise up John
I`ll knock you clean out on the floor

I found out you had a fling with big Gertrude
Big fat butt from Eight doors down
Gillian Hirp, Then ally Mamood
They both said you`re a clown.

TWO CATS BY JIM BYRNE

The purring of cats, A peaceful sound
Not when they fart and mess around
Sliding their backsides so deep on the ground
Two cats to look after at home.

At Three in the morning ,They just want to play
Ran across my head , Don`t care what i say
The vile smell of pooh,Is this here to stay
Two cats to look after at home

Kicking up litter , Up left and up right
Me in a daze, Not a nice sight
Does anyone out there know of this plight
Two cats to look after at home.

I`m told when they`re older they will settle down
They`ll get a sharp winger if they scratch at my crown
Not much hair left on top , Just a frown
Two cats to look after at home.

Cats unlike dogs never come when you call
At least with a dog you can play with it`s balls
Cats want to kill and attack , Is that all
Two cats to look after at home.

One of the cats, Bella her name
Looks at herself in the mirror. Insane
The other`s a lot fatter,Thinks it`s all just a game
Two cats to look after at home.

I`ll have a flat cap built into my door
Hoping i`ll see so much less and not more
They`ll always come back, Wanting some more
Two cats to look after at home.

A REET GOOD NEET

A pint or Three wont harm
Be sick ,Be drunk , Be jolly
No matter what, Be calm
This drinking lark is folly

I don`t know how I got home
Cold chips in hand to boot
must have enjoyed it though
I were sick all down me suit.

Condoms in my pocket
Don`t know how they got there
My eyes fell out their sockets
Had gravy in my hair.

I swore I wouldn`t do it
I`d got so I didn`t care
Reckless abandon in Godalming
Falling in  gutters. Just isn`t fair

Next time I take to drinkin
Shoot me when I`m drunk
Set me off a thinkin
And smellin like a skunk.

Climbing in the bed with her
Smellin all fragrant and washed
Smell of sick and stale old ale
Hopes of sex kiboshed

A funny night when I reflect
Would I ever drink again
What about my self respect
Of course I would my friend.

BESIDE YOU

Please don`t think of me as gone away,
My journey`s just begun,
Life holds so many faccets,
This earth is only one.

Just think of me as resting,
From the sorrows and the tears,
In a place of warmth and comfort,
Where there are no days or years.

Think how I must be wishing
That we could know today
How nothing but your sadness
Can really pass away.

Think of me as living
In the hearts of those I touched
For nothing loved is ever lost
And I loved you so much.

A WEAK MANS GAME BY JIM BYRNE

A loner of a man ,
Forgotten by the rest,
He`s doing all he can,
He try`s his very best.

One thing he thinks could be,
He thought it yesterday,
A mistake he did not see,
He always made her pay.

His brains were in his fists,
He had to have control,
Used his fists then tried a kiss,
It somehow made him whole.

The horror of the beatings,
His warped pathetic power,
Where do these men come from,
They are a weaker shower.

Ladies ought to know them,
Shame them all to death,
How can they think it`s fine,
And stinky boozy breath.

If you hit a woman,
You`re the lowest of the low,
You`re just a downright wrong un,
Through the door you`ll go.

If you think it makes you hard,
Think again , You bully,
Release this woman from this hell,
You will be dealt with fully.

Every one will tell you,
It`s because your dad`s the same,
All an excuse for what you do,
It`s just a weak man`s game

NATIONWIDE BY JIM BYRNE

Did you find a friend today,
Someone who will care,
Sharing good and bad they say,
Nationwide are there.

Did you ask for them today,
They have helped for generations
Focus  on your needs they say,
Brighten your tommorows.

Joys of caring, So immense,
All their love is needed,
They do  help in every sense
They care and should be heeded.

Real friends wont hurt you,
Beautifully they shine,
What`s the work you need to do,
 Nationwide friends are fine.

Selflessness is all you need,
Giving is the key,
Acts of goodness plant a seed,
Nationwide comes back, Take heed.

STLL MOMENTS BY JIM BYRNE

All you have, Is withered in spoil,
That which you posses now possessed you,
Think of love, Less of toil,
For those  you love, You have to do.

Dearest heart, Life`s golden plan,
Opens happy doors,
Walk within, See his plan,
Love meets you at your core.

Turn your mind another way,
Leave this world with none,
Inner peace prevails today,
The money mind has gone.

The peace and stillness deep inside,
Gives so much more than things,
Brings true meaning to your life,
More than wealth can bring.

Something missing in spite of wealth,
Inner sunshine, Much of light,
Go inside, Walk your path,
Love prevails, Give up the fight.

HUNGRY HOURS BY JIM BYRNE

The poorest are your neighbours,
Do you care ? They just don`t live,
No food , No light, Some hungry hours,
Are you willing, Will you give.

Give to those who suffer most,
Hungry children, None should be,
Why so much and none for some,
Lend a hand, You will see.

Make a choice, Heat, Or light,
Food of life is rare,
Love the poor, Remove their plight,
Love today, You know you care.

No child should hunger, None should thirst,
Look inside your mind,
Help the small ones , Put them first,
Give what you can, Be kind.

Never judge the poor among you,
They just need some food and drink,
Are you doing all you can do,
Seeing sorrow makes you think.

SHOW EM BY JIM BYRNE

Ever upwards you can do it,
Kick some ass, Go out and do it,
Control your life, Things to do,
Why is life controlling you?

Did your teacher say you`re Rubbish,
Never be nothing on your own,
Get the hell out there son,
Make the old git groan.

Use your common, You have talent,
lose all those who brought you down,
Make the choice, Be relentless,
Get out there, Swim or drown.

Living hell, So no one loves you,
You can do this on your own,
A million things you want to do,
Do it, Do it, Don`t just moan.


Show them all you`re real gift,
In their minds you`ll see a shift,
lose them all, How good you are,
You are so special, Near and fair,

I had a thought just yesterday,
All this money coming my way,
I`ve so much i`ll share with you,
 Buy some cars, A house or Two.

THE OUTLAW BY JIM BYRNE

The wife`s mother lives with us,
All she does is winge,
When she stops her ranting,
She`s on a drunken binge.

Vodka is her tipple,
Abusive though in drink,
She hits me hard across the face,
And really chuffin stinks.

SBDs come thick and fast,
I want to get her out,
Iv`e never liked you  You ignorant slob,
I`ll give her such a clout.

I tell the wife it`s her or me,
I`ll not see her on the street,
Her corned beef legs and Sixteen chins,
And now her minging feet.

Iv`e not been good enough for her daughter,
The wife says so as well,
I stink and snore and fart a lot,
i wish they`d go to hell.

IM STANDING FOR ELECTION BY JIM BYRNE

About this tory government,
They cut and cut and cut,
We`re all in this together,
A dirty stinking rut.

Free telly for over Seventy Fives,
Most of us are dead by then,
Sack all tories, One by one,
Start with IDS and KEN,

On yer bike we all were told,
Get a job you lazy sods,
I`ve been in that house you know,
They`re all a bunch of snobs.

The council tax is way to high,
My bins not emptied much,
Please resign dear David Cameron,
You really have lost touch.

I`m standing for election,
Lets get rid of tories,
Skint, No job, More more cuts,
so many seedy stories.

A PLACE IN HELL BY JIM BYRNE

There is hope when children suffer,
So much given to all mankind,
In our plenty er  consider,
Put their starving days behind.

Do we see the children`s plight,
would we be a sacrifice,
Show them love, Lest they might,
Greater food than bowls of rice.

Consider kids who live in fear,
Of those they ought to trust,
Loved ones they should never fear,
Abusing them, They think a must.

You callous cowards , Move away,
From hearts you ripped apart,
One day children have their say,
Release their sorrow from their hearts,

All abusers will account,
Of why they tore apart,
All these dear children, They will mount,
New time, A brand new start.

Helpless all to struggle free,
A place of peace and love,
Look behind you there will be,
Great justice from above.

God loves children no mistake,
From him you never hide,
Do tell of thrills you take,
Abusing others, Have a pride.

A place in hell is made for you,
Just rot and burn in hell,
You`ll give account of wrong you do,
Might be soon , Who can tell.

Fall to your knees , Beg to forgive,
Cleanse your soul of darkness,
Please just go, Let others live,
Your hell at least makes their pain less.

THE DEAD ARE NOT DEAD BY JIM BYRNE

The dead walk with you,
The dead don`t die,
The dead may well ask you,
Why do you cry ?

The dead know your name,
Remember your love,
They many times came,
With love from above.

Why think they`re dead,
Don`t see them no more,
The dead are not dead,
They`re still here, For sure.

Memories of all the things you all did,
They`re really not dead, Try to smile,
Remember their love when you were a kid,
Heavens the place by a mile.

The dead are still living,
They did not leave,
They love you so much,
Don`t want you to grieve.

The dead meet again,
Upon a well lit shore,
All your cares lost,
Love like before.

The dead are not dead,
They want you to know,
They`re still walking with you,
They just didn't go.

A HEAVENLY CALL BY JIM BYRNE

Dreams of beauty in golden skies,
Where all could see with clearest eyes,
The breeze of joy, A fountain of light,
Her heavenly face, It shone so bright.

Bearing red roses in each pretty hand,
Sending such love from her golden land,
Her shining face, Wondrous things told,
Wait my love, I will come to hold.

Recalling days of loving and joy,
In purest light you appear,
This God made light , You shone upon me,
Your love  a celestial sphere.

No spoken words, Nought passed your lips,
Emotions so high ,Such a gift,
What gift is this? offering hope,
Thank you ,Brings me to cope.

Your loss immense, Though dead inside,
When your light shone, Death could not hide,
Your beautiful face at peace,
Brought me love,  sorrow ceased.

The time has yet kept us apart,
One day our lives will be.
As one again in heavens white light,
That joy , Yet to be.

That day will come, No fear no more,
God will lead the way,
The chance to enter through his door,
What love on that sweet day.

THINGY NOLAN BY JIM BYRNE

This lad in class, He put me down,
Thingy Nolan was his name,
His mother taught him he was better,
But really , We`re the same.

Come to our house for your tea today,
You wont have food like ours at yours
Can I come another day,
I think your crashing bore`s

Skitting me, Because my clothes had holes,
I felt my confidence drain,
I wanted to thump him on the nose,
He`s such a bloody pain.

My dad`s a banker, Yours just a trucker,
We have loads of money too,
Listen thingy, You dozy old twonk,
I`ll smack you black and blue.

Never been to a chippy in all his life,
I loved my chips and peas,
You`re missing out, Rumours were rife,
He`d love a bag of these tha sees

You can`t have chips his mother said,
You`ll end up fat like Jimmy,
Eat like that you`ll end up dead,
Far better to be skinny.

So snobby, High and mighty,
Only eats best fish and ham,
Truth is , She is so flighty,
Complete façade and sham.

Mrs Nolan see`s the plumber,
Not to fettle her U bend,
It`s all an act, A real life bummer,
It drives me round the bend.

All fur coat, No knickers,
Poor thingy is deluded,
His snobby mother, Handbags full of snickers,
Posh teas also included.

I went once to thingy`s for my tea,
All bread sticks and dips,
Drop me off on Blackburn road,
I need a bag of chips.

YOU GAVE ME SO MUCH BY JIM BYRNE

How can i win you, You`re still with another,
This night of love felt so right,
one night with you, It turned me around,
Now i can`t be without you one night.

   You gave me so much,
    Much more than your touch,
    A feeling that touches within .

Love affairs go, This one`s to keep,
I hurt deep inside for your love,
Rivers of tears, Feelings so deep
 God planned this love from above.

Your sweet heart has moved me so much,
My heart bursts with love at your touch,
Go back to him, this just cannot be,
Some day your heart will ache just for me.

Some life is directed, Love is not chance,
Your joy beyond words in my life ,
Your beauty within,

THAGENCY BY JIM BYRNE

I wanted to meet a nice woman,
The agency gave me her name,
I found as i glanced through the brochure,
Most of em looked just the same.

I went out this day to meet Vera,
Her photo a sight for sore eyes,
I watched as she walked ever nearer,
A lady with thunderclap thighs.

I could see that she`d made a big effort,
Her tight leather leggins and gols,
Stood standing there in my best shirt,
She said she`d just come off her hols.

Nutcracker Lil, I had named her,
Her skills with my nuts were astounding,
Though partial to roasted, She had em all toasted
but more than once had me pounding.

I`m partial to ladies of larger proportions,
Vera was that through and through,
Exceeded my high expectations.
There was nothing that she would not do .

Dear agency how can i thank you,
For Vera in`t leggins and golls,
All tuthers were useless too,
Some favoured twittering trolls.

She told me one day she was married,
To Bert Postle, My mate from ont bread,
The two timin wazark to do what she did,
The shock nearly killed me stone dead.

Oh well, Back tut thagent on monday,
I`ll seek a voluptuous type,
I think this pastime is so overated,
All sorts of chatter, And far to much hype.

.

NORMAN WILLIS PEARSON GRANT BY JIM BYRNE

I`m roaming through Dingwall wanting a leak,
Willis my buddy at hand,
My friend willis the bus spotting geek,
Searched every inch of this land.

Travelled to Dingwall in a windowless bus,
Knee`s knockin, So taaters outside,
Three balaclavas, Minimum fuss,
Just want a warm place to hide.

Willis was teaching in Bolton one day,
Albert had got on his wick,
Crashing his head, Just wants to play,
Albert Sidebottom, What a big nit.

Get me a job at your place, Can you,
These bloody kids drive me mad,
No matter what I say or do,
They`re always fetchin their dad.

Some dad`s stick one on me,
I`m not a street fightin man,
I`ll get my own back, Just wait an see
Get me a job if you can.

Albert had head butted the glass in the door,
Got stuck, Willis was prizing him out,
It`s your fault sir, You pick on the poor,
Willis just gave him a clout.

Oo eck I`m bloomin fed up,
Teaching is drivin me mad,
Markin all night, Pains in my gut,
I dread the day, Bloomin sad.

I got him a job full time on the railway,
His stress it just disappeared,
He dropped dead and died after one or two days,
He`d just started growin a beard.

Life was a sod for willis for years,
He was happy doin his job,
He was my best pal I shed a few tears,
But big headed Albert, The slob.

On the buses in the sky,
PD2s and crossleys galore,
His life now one long high,
Listen Willis , See you some more.

WALK WITH GOD BY JIM BYRNE

A changing heart so touched by God,
The high his love will bring,
Dearest one your changing heart,
Will open up and sing.

He moves your heartache over time,
His peace and love his way,
Surrender your life, So sublime,
Let God have the final say.

Life without him, Painfull stress,
He heals against all odds,
He knows when you are stressed by life,
He loves you no more strife.

Repairs your heart while at it`s worst,
When seems so hard to mend,
When all is lost ,Put Jesus first,
Upon his care depend.

He wants your trust, He knocks and waits,
His plan will so amaze,
Hear him speak, He`s here today,
Please do all he says.

His hand on you has always been,
His purpose to unfold,
He created every part of you,
His truth is to be told.

So when your life is on it`s knees,
Speak his name out loud,
Assuring you all life he see`s,
You`ll praise his name out loud.

You have just found your best friend ever,
Who could love you more,
Someone who would leave you never,
He knocked and opened up your door.

Life is changing for you now,
The son of God is there,
He holds your life within his hands,
He`s blessing you with care..

HATRED BY JIM BYRNE

.

Who hurts children, So misguided,
Babies have their link to God,
He will hurt you, He`s confided,
You create the painful rod.

Who hurts people in their eighties,
You create a fearful darkness,
Horror stories told in places,
Such violation never seen.

Hurting others ,Your own destruction,
Have no doubt you live with doom,
Seek God`s love and his instruction,
Seek him in his holy room.

He forgives you , You must seek it,
God knows when no one does,
What have you done, So Bad.
Are you sorry, Take his love.

When you battered that old lady,
Did you sleep so good that night,
When you beat that little baby,
He will always live with fright.

Your coward like ways will see,
A given you`re so weak,
Not so strong, You`re watched by him,
He knows your wrongs, He will speak.

Will you always frighten others,
Hurt old ladies, Is that your thrill,
You are as no one, Without brothers,
Yet God is there , Forgiving still.

BROTHERS BY JIM BYRNE

.

Don`t despair, All hope is given,
Always upwards, Must be driven,
Don`t blame others for your sorrows,
Always self,Good tomorrows.

As you ponder life`s great purpose,
Be assured it will prevail,
Give up your fight , Let it be,
Peace will come , Set you free.

A hope of joy, We have so much,
Shake off fear, Healings touch,
What torments you, Love will thrill,
Learn to see it, Now be still.

In your search for greater purpose,
Find the truth it`s in the service,
Be unselfish, Do your best,
Forget yourself, Love the rest.

The joy of love in many ways,
Humbling souls for all their days,
This is purpose we all seek,
Open up , Let him speak.
.
Reaching out beyond our lives,
Find reality, Never hide,
Lose all fear, You`re not alone,
Take the hand, Please be shown.

Love is perfect, So sublime,
Find it, Like it, Now`s the time,
Discard religion, Made of man,
Remove your life from shifting sand.

A loving life is always there,
Purpose is to make us care,
Give yourself in love to others,
All are one, All are brothers.

A JOLLY GOOD FART BY JIM BYRNE

Iv`e got trapped wind,
It  wont recind,
Iv`e bent over chairs, Fell down me stairs,
Still me trapped wind, It clings.

Medicine doesn`t work me, Prunes don`t help either,
Sat on me beday with a raging hot fever,
Gut warch and swelling is rife,
Might have to go under the surgeons knife,

The wind in the willows has got nothing on this,
When i`m sat in a crowd, This could be it,
My belly rumbles , Makes lots of noise,
When all this comes out, Watch out boys.

A walking gas bag is what iv`e become,
Can nothin help to open my bum,
Me sphinckter`s locked shut, Has been for ages,
Doc said, Sit tight , It comes out in stages.

Tried famlax, Senacott, A white bottle too,
Can`t even bend down and fasten me shoe,
Don`t point your bum at the wall when seeming to lose,
The force of the blast blows you clean out your shoes.

Stand at the door in case of release,
When will this wind blow and chuffin well cease,
Permanant cramps , I`m bloated to hell,
When will it go, No one can tell.

Am feelin a rumble , Volcanic eruption,
Runnin tut door so as not to cause ructions,
False alarm, no, Yet again,
At this rate `ill end up livin int den.

At last the day came, It lifted me up,
A machine gun volley, It frightened our pup,
My gut was now emptied, Freedom at last,
All cos me backside let off a blast.

As good luck would have it, A grey windy day,
Thank God the smell was soon blown away,
Six weeks i`d waited, Losing all heart,
Cured by the blast of a jolly good fart.