My dad`s always charmed women,
They thought he wert Bee`s Knee`s,
His antics were alarmin,
He copped of with women With ease.
He`s an embalmer by trade,
Preserving the women he`d had,
Four times a week, Had it made,
A real old charmer me dad.
Little one`s Big one`s,He didn`t care,
If one walked past he would look,
It were their smell, Their flowing blonde hair,
One whiff , He were took,
One day he pulled Ada Allsop,
Bunyans and Boils on her arse,
This one was way overt top,
He realised, This is a farce.
He settled down with Sue Bender,
She`s from next door but Two,
He ditched the idea of big Brenda,
She`d taken to violence wit shoe.
Two weeks of strife, All gone past,
Hitting and belting wit shoe,
One of his ears had been slashed,
All`s right with Sue from next door but Two.
Copyright, James Byrne
Saturday 8 December 2012
Sunday 5 August 2012
Monday 23 July 2012
A TOUCH OF THE FARMERS BY JIM BYRNE
I went to my doctor today,
Anxious to hear what he`d say,
You`ve got piles young fella my lad,
Nothing to worry over, They`re not that bad.
Wondered why i`d to sit on one cheek,
Felt like my sphinckter ad sprung a leak,
Only the farmers,What the hell,
When I sat on both cheeks, I could tell.
Try this ointment and this rubber band,
If all that fails,I`ll try me hand,
Not chuffin likely, I said to the quack,
Come near me piles, You`ll get a swift whack.
Coupled with that you have the worms,
Not surprised when you sit, Your backside squirms,
Hoping and praying, This wont last long,
Can`t stand the pain, Can`t wear me thong.
The inconvenience is not overstated,
With these piles,I`m so irritated,
Feels like me backside is over inflated,
To top all this, I`m so constipated.
Indulge yourself with pile cream,
Now and again, You`ll let out a scream,
The pain is horrendous,
Hang on to hope, The cure is tremendous.
Anxious to hear what he`d say,
You`ve got piles young fella my lad,
Nothing to worry over, They`re not that bad.
Wondered why i`d to sit on one cheek,
Felt like my sphinckter ad sprung a leak,
Only the farmers,What the hell,
When I sat on both cheeks, I could tell.
Try this ointment and this rubber band,
If all that fails,I`ll try me hand,
Not chuffin likely, I said to the quack,
Come near me piles, You`ll get a swift whack.
Coupled with that you have the worms,
Not surprised when you sit, Your backside squirms,
Hoping and praying, This wont last long,
Can`t stand the pain, Can`t wear me thong.
The inconvenience is not overstated,
With these piles,I`m so irritated,
Feels like me backside is over inflated,
To top all this, I`m so constipated.
Indulge yourself with pile cream,
Now and again, You`ll let out a scream,
The pain is horrendous,
Hang on to hope, The cure is tremendous.
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