ALL TALK JONNY BY JIM BYRNE

Where were you when all hell broke loose
Hiding behind the kitchen door
Were you so scared like a frightened goose
It were me that knocked him tut floor.

Where was the macho image that day
Left it to me to sort out
I keep all trouble and problems at bay
All you did was shout.

I`d hoped you might rise to the occasion
To kick my exes ass at the door
If you dont rise up John
I`ll knock you clean out on the floor

I found out you had a fling with big Gertrude
Big fat butt from Eight doors down
Gillian Hirp, Then ally Mamood
They both said you`re a clown.

TWO CATS BY JIM BYRNE

The purring of cats, A peaceful sound
Not when they fart and mess around
Sliding their backsides so deep on the ground
Two cats to look after at home.

At Three in the morning ,They just want to play
Ran across my head , Don`t care what i say
The vile smell of pooh,Is this here to stay
Two cats to look after at home

Kicking up litter , Up left and up right
Me in a daze, Not a nice sight
Does anyone out there know of this plight
Two cats to look after at home.

I`m told when they`re older they will settle down
They`ll get a sharp winger if they scratch at my crown
Not much hair left on top , Just a frown
Two cats to look after at home.

Cats unlike dogs never come when you call
At least with a dog you can play with it`s balls
Cats want to kill and attack , Is that all
Two cats to look after at home.

One of the cats, Bella her name
Looks at herself in the mirror. Insane
The other`s a lot fatter,Thinks it`s all just a game
Two cats to look after at home.

I`ll have a flat cap built into my door
Hoping i`ll see so much less and not more
They`ll always come back, Wanting some more
Two cats to look after at home.

A REET GOOD NEET

A pint or Three wont harm
Be sick ,Be drunk , Be jolly
No matter what, Be calm
This drinking lark is folly

I don`t know how I got home
Cold chips in hand to boot
must have enjoyed it though
I were sick all down me suit.

Condoms in my pocket
Don`t know how they got there
My eyes fell out their sockets
Had gravy in my hair.

I swore I wouldn`t do it
I`d got so I didn`t care
Reckless abandon in Godalming
Falling in  gutters. Just isn`t fair

Next time I take to drinkin
Shoot me when I`m drunk
Set me off a thinkin
And smellin like a skunk.

Climbing in the bed with her
Smellin all fragrant and washed
Smell of sick and stale old ale
Hopes of sex kiboshed

A funny night when I reflect
Would I ever drink again
What about my self respect
Of course I would my friend.