NORMAN WILLIS PEARSON GRANT BY JIM BYRNE

I`m roaming through Dingwall wanting a leak,
Willis my buddy at hand,
My friend willis the bus spotting geek,
Searched every inch of this land.

Travelled to Dingwall in a windowless bus,
Knee`s knockin, So taaters outside,
Three balaclavas, Minimum fuss,
Just want a warm place to hide.

Willis was teaching in Bolton one day,
Albert had got on his wick,
Crashing his head, Just wants to play,
Albert Sidebottom, What a big nit.

Get me a job at your place, Can you,
These bloody kids drive me mad,
No matter what I say or do,
They`re always fetchin their dad.

Some dad`s stick one on me,
I`m not a street fightin man,
I`ll get my own back, Just wait an see
Get me a job if you can.

Albert had head butted the glass in the door,
Got stuck, Willis was prizing him out,
It`s your fault sir, You pick on the poor,
Willis just gave him a clout.

Oo eck I`m bloomin fed up,
Teaching is drivin me mad,
Markin all night, Pains in my gut,
I dread the day, Bloomin sad.

I got him a job full time on the railway,
His stress it just disappeared,
He dropped dead and died after one or two days,
He`d just started growin a beard.

Life was a sod for willis for years,
He was happy doin his job,
He was my best pal I shed a few tears,
But big headed Albert, The slob.

On the buses in the sky,
PD2s and crossleys galore,
His life now one long high,
Listen Willis , See you some more.

WALK WITH GOD BY JIM BYRNE

A changing heart so touched by God,
The high his love will bring,
Dearest one your changing heart,
Will open up and sing.

He moves your heartache over time,
His peace and love his way,
Surrender your life, So sublime,
Let God have the final say.

Life without him, Painfull stress,
He heals against all odds,
He knows when you are stressed by life,
He loves you no more strife.

Repairs your heart while at it`s worst,
When seems so hard to mend,
When all is lost ,Put Jesus first,
Upon his care depend.

He wants your trust, He knocks and waits,
His plan will so amaze,
Hear him speak, He`s here today,
Please do all he says.

His hand on you has always been,
His purpose to unfold,
He created every part of you,
His truth is to be told.

So when your life is on it`s knees,
Speak his name out loud,
Assuring you all life he see`s,
You`ll praise his name out loud.

You have just found your best friend ever,
Who could love you more,
Someone who would leave you never,
He knocked and opened up your door.

Life is changing for you now,
The son of God is there,
He holds your life within his hands,
He`s blessing you with care..

HATRED BY JIM BYRNE

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Who hurts children, So misguided,
Babies have their link to God,
He will hurt you, He`s confided,
You create the painful rod.

Who hurts people in their eighties,
You create a fearful darkness,
Horror stories told in places,
Such violation never seen.

Hurting others ,Your own destruction,
Have no doubt you live with doom,
Seek God`s love and his instruction,
Seek him in his holy room.

He forgives you , You must seek it,
God knows when no one does,
What have you done, So Bad.
Are you sorry, Take his love.

When you battered that old lady,
Did you sleep so good that night,
When you beat that little baby,
He will always live with fright.

Your coward like ways will see,
A given you`re so weak,
Not so strong, You`re watched by him,
He knows your wrongs, He will speak.

Will you always frighten others,
Hurt old ladies, Is that your thrill,
You are as no one, Without brothers,
Yet God is there , Forgiving still.

BROTHERS BY JIM BYRNE

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Don`t despair, All hope is given,
Always upwards, Must be driven,
Don`t blame others for your sorrows,
Always self,Good tomorrows.

As you ponder life`s great purpose,
Be assured it will prevail,
Give up your fight , Let it be,
Peace will come , Set you free.

A hope of joy, We have so much,
Shake off fear, Healings touch,
What torments you, Love will thrill,
Learn to see it, Now be still.

In your search for greater purpose,
Find the truth it`s in the service,
Be unselfish, Do your best,
Forget yourself, Love the rest.

The joy of love in many ways,
Humbling souls for all their days,
This is purpose we all seek,
Open up , Let him speak.
.
Reaching out beyond our lives,
Find reality, Never hide,
Lose all fear, You`re not alone,
Take the hand, Please be shown.

Love is perfect, So sublime,
Find it, Like it, Now`s the time,
Discard religion, Made of man,
Remove your life from shifting sand.

A loving life is always there,
Purpose is to make us care,
Give yourself in love to others,
All are one, All are brothers.

A JOLLY GOOD FART BY JIM BYRNE

Iv`e got trapped wind,
It  wont recind,
Iv`e bent over chairs, Fell down me stairs,
Still me trapped wind, It clings.

Medicine doesn`t work me, Prunes don`t help either,
Sat on me beday with a raging hot fever,
Gut warch and swelling is rife,
Might have to go under the surgeons knife,

The wind in the willows has got nothing on this,
When i`m sat in a crowd, This could be it,
My belly rumbles , Makes lots of noise,
When all this comes out, Watch out boys.

A walking gas bag is what iv`e become,
Can nothin help to open my bum,
Me sphinckter`s locked shut, Has been for ages,
Doc said, Sit tight , It comes out in stages.

Tried famlax, Senacott, A white bottle too,
Can`t even bend down and fasten me shoe,
Don`t point your bum at the wall when seeming to lose,
The force of the blast blows you clean out your shoes.

Stand at the door in case of release,
When will this wind blow and chuffin well cease,
Permanant cramps , I`m bloated to hell,
When will it go, No one can tell.

Am feelin a rumble , Volcanic eruption,
Runnin tut door so as not to cause ructions,
False alarm, no, Yet again,
At this rate `ill end up livin int den.

At last the day came, It lifted me up,
A machine gun volley, It frightened our pup,
My gut was now emptied, Freedom at last,
All cos me backside let off a blast.

As good luck would have it, A grey windy day,
Thank God the smell was soon blown away,
Six weeks i`d waited, Losing all heart,
Cured by the blast of a jolly good fart.