Iv`e got trapped wind,
It wont recind,
Iv`e bent over chairs, Fell down me stairs,
Still me trapped wind, It clings.
Medicine doesn`t work me, Prunes don`t help either,
Sat on me beday with a raging hot fever,
Gut warch and swelling is rife,
Might have to go under the surgeons knife,
The wind in the willows has got nothing on this,
When i`m sat in a crowd, This could be it,
My belly rumbles , Makes lots of noise,
When all this comes out, Watch out boys.
A walking gas bag is what iv`e become,
Can nothin help to open my bum,
Me sphinckter`s locked shut, Has been for ages,
Doc said, Sit tight , It comes out in stages.
Tried famlax, Senacott, A white bottle too,
Can`t even bend down and fasten me shoe,
Don`t point your bum at the wall when seeming to lose,
The force of the blast blows you clean out your shoes.
Stand at the door in case of release,
When will this wind blow and chuffin well cease,
Permanant cramps , I`m bloated to hell,
When will it go, No one can tell.
Am feelin a rumble , Volcanic eruption,
Runnin tut door so as not to cause ructions,
False alarm, no, Yet again,
At this rate `ill end up livin int den.
At last the day came, It lifted me up,
A machine gun volley, It frightened our pup,
My gut was now emptied, Freedom at last,
All cos me backside let off a blast.
As good luck would have it, A grey windy day,
Thank God the smell was soon blown away,
Six weeks i`d waited, Losing all heart,
Cured by the blast of a jolly good fart.
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